it's like, hopeless
by OrdinarySuperstarz
Summary: I still remember the look on your face, Lit through the darkness at 1:58. Puck/Rachel


**Puck and Rachel**: it's like hopeless.

**Pairing**: Puck/Rachel, Pezberry friendship, small amount of Finn/Santana relationship

**Disclaimer**: I own no song nor character. Therefore, I own nothing. Excepts Christopher Hudson, Zachary, Jeremiah and Elisabeth Puckerman and ideas.

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><p>Rachel wakes up again, uneasy with her feeling. She turn her head towards the alarm clock on her bedside and sigh to find out that it was almost 3 o'clock in the morning. Her eyes then travel towards the object situated right beside the clock. It was a picture, nicely framed. A picture of her husband and herself, she was laughing on the crook of his neck, sitting on his laps, while he chuckle and hold her. She remembered Santana took that picture a year before they got married. It was a great picture, they were on a vacation at a beach. She smiles, remembering the nice memory. Rachel look towards her left and stare at her husband bedside- he wasn't there.<p>

Just then, she heard a click, the door of her living room door opened.

She can't help but to jump out of bed a big smile plastered across her face. She kiss the picture a few times, as a feeling of relief washed over her heart. She giggles to herself, thinking of how silly she really is but shrug it off, turning towards the bedroom door, that was separating her and her husband from snuggling into each other's arm. Then, her ears pick up some uncomfortable noises, noises that she had been dreadful to hear. 'It couldn't be...,' her heart whispered. 'He wouldn't... no, not to me... not right now..,' her heart was begging. She held her breath, closing her eyes and concentrating on the noises. Praying softly under her breath for it all to be just another whispering of wind passed her ears.

Laughter.

Yes, that was it, laughter. The laughter that was cheerful, that was quite loud, that was seductive- that wasn't belong to her husband. Her eyes shot up open, realising now that the voice is real, not her imagination. It was never her imagination. Maybe it was her dream! Yes, a dream, maybe. She pinch herself, hearing those laughter getting louder in each seconds. It leaves bruises on her arm. 'He wouldn't..,' she heard again the whispers of her heart 'He loved me...' and her brain was chanting 'He lied! That awful son of a bitch lied to me in the face!' and her eyes... it cries.

Cry me a river.

It used to make her laugh and her husband chuckle when their twins made jokes about it. _"Mom, does a human being capable to cry a river? I just don't think it's realistic" the other twin joins in the conversation, "If so people can cry someone a river, wouldn't the place flooded with it?"_ and it made her smile for a while- but only for a while when she hears the footsteps come closer. 'Doesn't he love our twin?' she asked herself, 'Doesn't he love our daughter?' she cried, as the memory of her boys and her daughter went flashes on her mind. They were great- they were magnificent. Jeremiah Puckerman and Zachary Puckerman has grown up to be a healthy and active 8 year olds. And Elisabeth Puckerman has learn two new words that month. They were so small and he's ruining their childhood. 'Doesn't he love me?'

It's like, hopeless.

Just hopeless, empty. The laughter grew, she shuts herself up from sobbing and went to hide behind the door. The door of the bedroom swung open, "In here, babe," she heard his voice and purses her lips to not just scream and yell. The girl he was holding on his arm giggles, kissing his lips. He kissed back, pulling her closer and walking towards the bed, without breaking the kiss. Her breath hitches when the photo of them fell down and made a loud noise, the glass shatters. She felt like, running to it, grabbing it, and hug it, wishing that guy inside of the photo would punch himself that was now pinning on the red headed girl. She closes her eyes and crawl to get outside of the room. She can barely stands up, but she did.

She closes the door.

With full of pain that was just aching inside of her heart, and the wound just keep growing bigger, she closes it, and the couple inside were too drunk to even notice that their bedroom door was closed. 'Love hurts' she muttered to herself and wipe her tears. She repeat the two word, nine letter again, hoping it would cover the pain for a while. She tip toed to her twins bedroom and open it, revealing two tired 8 year old sleeping boys. She smiles to herself, and walk slowly to wake the both of them up. But one of them are already up, he sit, rubbing his eyes, "Mom?"

And she bite her lips, it bleed, she thinks.

Oh god, her boys look exactly like their father. Their face, their eyes, all of them looks exactly like her father. It's just their hair, though, it was brown, unlike their father who is brown-like-black hair. She rush towards the twin, "Zachary," she hugs him and he was half-asleep, so, he didn't respond to anything just nod against her shoulder. Jeremy wakes up also, "Mom? Wha.. What you doing here?" Without any hesitation, Rachel open her arm wide and grab both of them into a hug. Jeremy rub her eyes against Rachel's shoulder, "Mom? What happened?" he mumbles.

'What happened was your father just come home with another woman in his arm and now making love inside of our bedroom' but none of that words really come out of her mouth. Instead, she pull the hug apart to face them, Zach was trying his best to focus but fail, his head just fall every 3 seconds. Jeremy, however, could focus but his grasp on Rachel's arm were tight,showing how hard he was trying his best to focus. "Now, shh, c'mon, buddy, I need you to focus," she said, "We're going to señorita Santana's house and I need you to be quiet as you can, you think you can do that for me, little Puckster?" she almost cried, choking the nick-name her husband had gave them. The twin nod slowly and tiredly, Rachel gave them a last hug and a tear come strolling down her cheek, gladly she wipe it before the twin had even noticed it. "C'mon, let's go get Lisa,"

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><p>xoxo<p>

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><p>"<em>I still remember the look on your face, Lit through the darkness at 1:58, The words that you whispered, For just us to know, You told me you loved me, So why did you go..<em>," she sang, so softly as she pat Elisabeth and caress Jeremy's hair, "_Away.._," she can see now that all of them are mostly asleep by her voice. It made her glad that the twins didn't ask any question, and that her youngest daughter didn't cry her heart out because she had no intention of waking her husband from his 'activity'. "_Because I love your handshake, Meeting my father, I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets, How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something, There's not a day when I don't miss those rude interruptions.._,"

"They asleep?"

She turn around to face her friend, Santana Agnes Lopez with a broken smile, and nod slowly. Looking back at her children, she checked each one of them. 'Perfect' her heart mutter, sniffling, she turn back to the Latina and saw as her gestures her head, "Out now," she said, leaving the brunette in the guest room all alone. She step on the floor and walk outside the guest room, closing the door behind her and walk towards the sofa that was neatly situated near the fireplace. She sat down at the sofa and reach out the hot chocolate that was served on the Latino look at her and sipped her drink "What's up with Puckerman now, B?" she asked.

She blinks, her mouth tasted sour to answer.

"He... he come back with another woman," she reply, looking down at her cup, tears coming down without her noticing, "I just.. I just need to get my kids out of that house, y'know," she sniffled, wiping now the tears that seems to be flowing harder than ever. The Latino didn't say anything, continue to listen to her story, "It was ... awful, Santana. How... I mean, how could he do this to me? To our three kids! Three, not one, not two, _three_ kids, Santana! And two of them are twins!" she cried, pointing out the obvious. "Do you.. want me to do anything?" Santana ask, her voice was calm but still, she can sense some danger, danger that only a Lopez can handle. She shakes her head, "No," she sniffled, rubbing her nose, "No, thank you,"

Grabbing a tissue nearby, she sobs some more, "Maybe he's tired of coming home and only sees me," she said, slunching in deeper into the couch, "He's tired of me, Santana...," she complaints. "Oh cut the shit, B," The Latino cross her arm against her chest, "The last time Puckerman came here to bring the little Pucks, he was super excited and won't stop talking about how he bought you this green necklace and shits. So, how the fuck it end up like this?" she leans in, her vicious words stab the brunette's heart. Her hand trace the green necklace, and keep herself from crying, "I.. I..,"

"Mama?"

Both of the woman turn to the voice, to find a 9 year old tired boy, rubbing his eyes, with his favorite jacket on his arm, "Are you cursing again?" he ask, half-asleep. Santana can't help herself but to smile and cursing herself for cursing in front of him, "Hey sport," she greet the boy, "Why are you up?". Christopher Hudson made his way lazily to his mother and landed on her lap, "I heard.. um, I heard the Puckerman is here.. c-can I play wi'em?" he said, eyes now closing and head on Santana's lap. Rachel slightly smile at the Latino's child behavior. Chris certainly have the Lopez's enthusiasm. "Now, honey, I think your a little bit sleepy, don't you think?" she ask, running her finger through his light brown hair. "No... no.. um, what made you... think that?"

"Hey, I heard Chris is awake," Finn's voice rang out and both of the woman turn their head, Santana half-smiling-half-glaring at Finn but turn back her attention to the boy on her lap, "Hey, little man, papa's here, c'mon, get into bed. Tomorrow you will have a day with the Puckermans," Santana shakes Chris' body and the 9 year old groan, wrapping his arm around the dark blue jacket and mumbles something. "No worries, I got him," Finn walk in and get Chris to wrap himself on his body so he can carry his son, "Boy, you're heavy," Finn exclaimed. Before that, he glances over to the brunette, "You okay, Rach?"

She nods, giving him a tight smile, "Grab on him tightly, Finn," she told him and Finn nod, "I'll leave you with Santana. San...," he turn to his wife, who is now glaring silently towards him through her eyes, "... be nice," was all he said before walking away to tuck in his son. The petite laughs softly at Finn's comment, who which the Latino only grunts and rolls her eyes and maybe curses rather quietly under her breath. "Are you okay now?" Santana ask after the brunette finishes giggling and taking a sip of his hot chocolate. She shuffled uncomfortably in her seat, "Yeah... I guess, I'm much better now,"

"Do you still love him?"

Her tired eyes look through the Latina's full-of-fire eyes, and take a deep breath, "Deeply and truly," she paused, "Does he feel the same?" Rachel questioned. Whether she asked Santana or herself was unsure, but she whisper to herself, "I don't know..,"

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><p>xoxo<p>

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><p>She pull the car over in front of her house. It was nice, the morning sun strims and shine on the building and a few of the boys and Lisa's toys lying on the front yard. She open the door of the car and step out, smiling at first but soon, frown. Suddenly, the memory of yesterday came rushing back to her mind. The laughter, the glass shatters, the boys, Santana. Does she have the strength to even step into the hell hole? She sighs, she have to- to grab a few clothes of the boys, Lisa and her own.<p>

She knows that the fact that Puck was working today, so that's why she came back. To take few clothes won't cause hours, maybe 30 minutes, _whatever_, she made it fast. Turning the key, she walk in the house and watch at the living room that somehow looks calming when the sun rays hit it. A picture of him and her and their children suddenly caught her attention. Her finger traces the frame and soon to trace the face of Zachary, Jeremiah, Elisabeth and it ended up on Noah's hazel eyes, his smile, his hand that was holding tightly on Lisa. She blinks, purses her lips and put the picture down.

She climb the first stairs that lead to Elisabeth's nursery room, and grab a suitcase that was situated under the crib. She open the drawers and grab a few dresses and shirts and hats and maybe socks to pack in. She took a few toys she can play and it wasn't long after that, she's at the twins bedroom. She grab some of the twins main priorities, favorite baseball hats, clothes, and their games. Her hand tremble, grabbing Puck's Xbox, that he use to play when he was a teenager. The twins love to play on it, after getting it fixed up and maybe renewed it a little. She grab it quickly and shove it inside of the suitcase.

Tugging on the suitcase, she force herself to their bedroom. Taking a deep breath she walk in the bedroom, and pull in the suitcase. She noticed the shattered frame now is missing their picture, and the other weird thing is that there are blood on it. "What the hell...?" she ask, kneeling down, looking at it closely. "Where... where is the picture? Why is there..?"

"Rachel?"

Her breath hitches again, turning slowly to her husband. He was shirtless, only wearing his jeans. His face looks red, her eyes... was he crying? His hand... it held the picture, and there was blood on it. Rachel's eyes went wide, gasping, "Oh my gosh, Noah!" she said, walking closer and grabbing his arm. She can feel his eyes keep staring at her, she shrugged it off, though, focusing on his hand. She force him to go to the bathroom. She snatch the picture from his hand and put it aside, watching the blood from his hand. "Wait here," her voice was sour, emotionless yet it was so sad as she grab a towel. Holding his hand right then and there felt so right... but so wrong.

"Rach..,"

It was sad, his voice. She look up at him, "This isn't serious. It'll heal, sooner or later," she muttered. "Rach," his eyes was searching for her eyes, "I thought I lost you," he choked finally, wrapping his arm around her, crying. She didn't move, but she could've sworn her heart stopped, "Please... don't ever leave me again...," he pleaded, "What I did... I was so wrong.. I thought you were gone... I thought... Rach, I thought I'd never see you again,". He pull the hug apart, now cupping her cheek, his tears strolling down from his eyes, his forehead rested on hers, "I'm so sorry...," he pleaded, "Promise you won't leave?" and he kiss her. Not lustily,not roughly nor harshly. It was soft- his lips against hers.

A tears rolls down her cheek, "Promise, you idiot," and for the first time that day, both of them laugh as they cry. At least, they're in each other's arm right now. Like it was meant to be.

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><p>[<strong>an**: _ok, I know it suck with grammar all over the place. at least, it is out of my system now! thanks for reading... the name of the Puckermans little kid was inspired by my other story, **Double Trouble with Time**. The song was **Last Kiss by Taylor Swift**_**]**

[**Review**. _Cause my birthday is on **27th of August**. I'm not lying_]


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